New Products & 50% Off Vision Forum Collections

Hurry!

Sale ends at midnight on November 11, 2009 (CST)

I am also very excited to introduce some of the new products which are now available from our friends at Vision Forum:

The long-awaited release of
Mysterious Islands (2 DVDs)


Original 1938 Red Ryder BB Gun (also in PINK!)


Paper Dolls of Christian Women in History


The Solarlink Survival Radio (no batteries needed!)



The Forever Flashlight (no batteries needed!)


God Provides Life Changing DVD Series (5 DVDs)
(from Crown Financial)



I see some very happy people
opening gifts this year. ;)

Maintaining Authority When Dad is Away - Part 2

Note: Continued from Maintaining Authority When Dad is Away - Part 1

When a mother and father discuss parenting, she might ask him if there are any specific things he wants her to address in teaching and disciplining the children while he is gone. Is there anything he sees when he is home that isn't being done or isn't being handled well? Also, she should bring to him anything wherein the children are refusing to obey her or bad character issues which are developing, and ask him to speak with the children directly about it. Some men just aren't aware of the importance of their participation in establishing the mother's authority in this regard.

Last of all, once Dad and Mom have mapped out the battle plan, it's time to bring it before the children. Arrange a family meeting for Dad to explain the new rule of order. (It should be apparent that Dad is the one who has established this order even if Mom adds her input to the discussion.) When Dad is gone, Mom is in charge. When he returns, Mom will be reporting to him how things are going. The children should be told that Mom will be reporting both good and bad behaviors. Commending them before their father can really add some *oompf* to their desire to please both parents. Nonetheless, it is important that Mom reports any insubordination on the part of the children to their father and have them directly accountable to Dad for it. This is very important. I cannot stress it enough.

Finally, Mother should discuss any discipline issues and commendations to Dad when he returns home. She must not do it the moment he gets in the door, of course, possibly not even the same day. Rather, she should wait until a relaxed moment when the issues may be addressed in a calm and orderly way. It is best to ask him if he's ready, anyway, before going at it with both barrels.

To keep the order in place, Mom and Dad should get together again at least once a month to re-evaluate where they are in their parenting, discussing each child in turn. Determine what is working and what is not. Try to discern the best method of dealing with different situations. Perhaps Mom could keep a journal of discipline and training with notes highlighted for specific discussion. In any case, communication is the key to mutual parenting success, but especially when Dad is not available.

Ironically, however, many women struggle more when Dad is home. Mom has been so engrossed with disciplining and teaching the children that when Dad is present, she feels as though she should be doing more and differences arise almost immediately regarding who is in charge. These feelings must also be addressed at the parent meeting.

Note: Continue to Maintaining Authority When Dad is Away - Part 3

Maintaining Authority When Dad is Away - Part 1

Many families are turning to the military and to over-the-road truck driving as a means of Dad making a decent income. However, both of these occupations can create havoc when trying to establish and maintain proper spheres of authority when the head of the home has to be gone for extended periods of time.

In fact, some mothers say they feel like a single parent when their husbands are gone so long. Yet, establishing the father as the authority in the home will shelter a mother from being a single parent. If a mother ever feels this way, it is most likely because Dad has not been included in or has not been active enough in the parenting process. That shield of authority -- or umbrella of protection, as it is often referred to -- is missing, leaving Mom feeling very vulnerable and inadequate for the job. The dilemma is how to establish and maintain the two-parent authority structure when the man in charge is missing for long periods of prime parenting time.

I would suggest, first of all, that Mom and Dad sit down alone together -- without distractions -- and talk over the biblical spheres of family authority. Christ is the head of the husband/father; the husband/father is the head of the wife; and the wife/mother is the head over the children under her husband's authority; and, as the older children mature and are able to handle it, they may also be called upon at times to step in as authorities over the younger children under their parents' authority.[1] It's like the chain of command in the military or in a large corporation. The little guys are on the bottom of the chain and are accountable both to those directly above them and to all who are over them.

According to Scripture, the father has the final say over family law even in his absence. When Dad's not home, Mom is still responsible for executing his will over the parenting of the children. Though it is true she must make the day-to-day decisions regarding the children's behavior, if she has been discussing parenting issues with her husband, she will be less inclined to feel as though she is on her own and will be better prepared to parent as they have agreed even when he is away for many days or months.

[1] I Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23; 6:1-4; Colosians 3:18-21; Proverbs 1:8; 6:20; Genesis 4:7; notice Reuben's responsibility over his brothers in Genesis 37-42.

Note: Continue to Maintaining Authority When Dad is Away - Part 2

Maintaining Authority When Dad is Away - Part 3

Note: Continued from Maintaining Authority When Dad is Away - Part 2

The whole point is that Dad is in charge all the time. That is the mindset Mom must have while executing the parenting in his absence and when he returns home. Though she must be willing to take the children in hand should her husband require it, she must first of all encourage her husband to take the initiative when he is home. Both parents should be in agreement ahead of time to follow this order, and especially concerning issues which have come up while he was gone. If Mom does give an order to the children while Dad is home and the child disobeys, he should approach the child personally and remind him or her to obey Mother. This also should be discussed and agreed upon ahead of time.

It would also help if Dad could deal with each child individually and spend some quality one-on-one time with them while he is home. That would make Mom's job so much easier by derailing some of the stress children develop from having their father absent for long periods of time. It may be something as simple as having one of the kids accompany him to the store and talk to them while driving and searching the aisles. He might have a child help him on a project around the house and engage in conversation and fellowship while they work side by side. He could even have one or more of the kids sit with him on the couch while he watches a game and turn his attention to them personally during the commercials. Even that is better than nothing!

Though parenting during Dad's absence is difficult, it is not impossible. Communication, especially dealing with each parent's discipline styles and expectations, is the key to averting disasters in maintaining balanced parenting during periods of a father's absence. Parents must pray for wisdom and expect the Lord to provide it as He has promised in His Word. We have not because we ask not.

Free Download on Defending Divorced Mothers and Children

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from Vision Forum's Behemoth.com:

Defending the Fatherless*

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Vision Forum has often been criticized for not addressing the issues facing single mothers and children of divorce. (I've been guilty.) I was very pleased to see this resource and would love to hear your feedback after listening to this message by Doug Philips.

*CD is also available for sale from Vision Forum here.