Saturday, February 18, 2017

Redeeming My Life From Destruction

For most of my life I have been trying to kill myself. As the saying goes, I've been digging my grave with a spoon.

There have been contributing factors, accessories to my murder, so to speak: a family culture involving both gluttony and laziness, church leaders who made light of those sins, and the diversity and accessibility of food in our country. But, I have to own up to it: if anyone is going to ruin my life, it's me. I take full responsibility.

I have tried and failed many, many diets, some which did more harm than good. I saw some success with Overeaters Anonymous during my college years and with Weight Watchers a few years ago. However, it didn't take much for me to turn back to the old habits and lusts which have kept me in bondage most of my life. Though I have worked through many thoughts and heart issues concerning this pattern of sin, the key to release always eluded me.

After failing miserably once again on yet another diet, I was alarmed by the weight gain I was seeing once again. It really scared me.

I cried out, "Lord! I don't want to die this way!" And I asked Him to guide me in His will concerning which diet I should seek to follow in order to lose the weight and be healthy. I needed Him to redeem my life from destruction.

Bless the LORD, O my soul: 
   and all that is within me, 
bless his holy name.

Bless the LORD, O my soul, 
   and forget not all his benefits:

Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; 
   who healeth all thy diseases;

Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; 
   who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; 
   so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.

~ Psalm 103:1-5

We just so happen to be memorizing this passage in our church. That phrase, "Who redeemeth thy life from destruction," really stood out to me this morning. Then I had to back up to the previous verses to understand fully what that means. I forget all the benefits of my salvation, one of them being His redemption of my life from destruction. Being a child of God includes the ability to keep from killing myself!

However, part of that redemption process involves remembering some things. I have to remember, also, that he forgives my iniquities. Wallowing in the guilt and shame of yet another downfall into gluttonous eating never moves me forward, never redeems my life. It leads me to destruction every time.

So, yesterday, when I failed miserably, I felt myself sliding back into the old habits. I messed up so badly. I was a willing accomplice with my lusts in eating in a way which is destructively unhealthy. And I indulged myself all the way up until I went to bed.

As soon as I was woke up this morning, there He was. I'm so glad He will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). But, instead of running away from Him in guilt and fear, I immediately confessed my sin and guilt and asked for the enabling power of the Holy Spirit to set my feet on a right path (Proverbs 4:26, 27). I was then able to get out of bed with freedom and hope and begin afresh. I am confident that today He will satisfy my mouth with good things and renew my health and vigor. I know this from what He has promised, and God can't lie.

I praise God for His guidance in leading me back to Weight Watchers. I need the structure, accountability, and encouragement of the plan and the weekly meetings. It is simply what works for me. However, no diet will work without the continual knowledge that God loves and forgives me because of Christ. I am also learning the importance of asking for the enabling grace of God through His Spirit.

Another important factor in my success is the loving prayers of God's people, and I covet your prayers for me when I come to mind. God bless you every one!